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Liselle · Guru

A year in review

Buffington · Guru

OMG! You have had quite the year hun. I know it won't fix anything but here's a sincere HUG :)

Liselle · Guru

Thank you!! I sure need it.

An couple of updates to the list, first the positive - I am an Aunt!! Well, not technically, technically. LOL. My boyfriend's sister in law had her baby this morning. They consider me her aunt, since we've been together for so long. I want to go see her, but I'm getting ready for work....:(

The negative update: I have decided against going to my yearly family's Christmas get together this year, and quite possibly every year. They have insisted on inviting my ex-husband, his wife and their child (who is NOT a member of our family but is receiving gifts from the aunts) to MY family parties. I have asked, begged, cried, and pleaded with them not to include them, but they continue to do so, simply because my ex has primary custody (shared visitation though) of the youngest 2 kids. They have used this as a reason to punish me for walking away from my kids 6 years ago. (Long story there, and I'm willing to share if you want to know.)

Every year, I get physically sick over this. Shaking, nausea, etc. I'm done. I've tried everything....going and tolerating, asking them NOT to invite, etc. Nothing works. So I'm done.

It really hasn't been a terrible year, it just seems like it when I write it all down. confuse

-- Edited by Liselle on Thursday 16th of December 2010 05:47:52 PM

-- Edited by Liselle on Thursday 16th of December 2010 05:48:57 PM

sara zata · Guru

Liselle as long as your health stays good, as time goes by, things will pass. We lost our first son on Boxing Day 73, so Xmas isn't that important, too many people lose someone, and like you have bad family relations, I too have had to wipe a sister from my life this year, as she wanted me to choose between my husband and her. We have been married 45yrs on the 13th Jan 11 and I said if I have to choose will, I dont have a sister anymore. HER loss, not mine. I intend being awful for Xmas, I'll send her an email.

My tears have washed , I love you,
From the blackboard of my heart,
It's too late to clean the slate
and make another start,
I'm satisfied the way things are,
All though we're far apart,
But my tears have washed, I love you,
From the blackboard of my heart.

She has upset my family and my girls so badly, she can never be forgiven.
I had to learn to live without my son, so my sister won't be hard to live without.
As for your children, they will come back to you, you will just have to give them time.
XXXXXX June.

Buffington · Guru

Lovely poem June.

I have the opposite issue with my ex's family. "I" am the one they invite and not him. He doesn't get invited. When I divorced him his family kept me and threw him away (so to speak). He was invited once, never replied, never showed up. His half sister said he was invited and asked "how do you feel about that?" I said I didn't care, it didn't matter to me. I wouldn't invite him to my home, but this is not about me, or him. Its not my function so I'm not going to mess it up for anyone. I will be civil, but I don't have to have a conversation with him (or the second wife) and I DON'T have to be his best friend. I'm sure we can avoid one another for a short time.
So I go to the family reunions once a year, he doesn't. Only 1 of his half sisters doesn't like me but she tries to put on a good showing, it's just everyone can see right through it. I just wish she wouldn't be so sappy, I hate that.

But June is right. My brothers ex-gf has his 2 kids. She has basically raised them (poor things) and she has poisoned their minds against him. However, he has finally stepped up to be a good father and faught for visitation rights, he can talk to her teachers, etc. The kids are older now and they see what is the real truth. It is that way with his other ex-gf that has his other 2 kids. The boys are grown up now and have a good relationship with their dad and they see that what was told to them isn't so. I hope it will work out for you hun. You will be in my thoughts and prayers this holiday season. HUGS :)

Noantum · Senior Member

June that really is a nice poem. Tugs at my heart strings.
This time of year can be so stressful in so many ways. On the ex situation....thank you for sharing your experiences. I too am having ex issues but hearing from you all and seeing how you've handled it helps.
Liselle you are a strong person to have gone through all you have and move on. God bless you!
Pat it would be real nice if my ex's family would leave us be....they love me and my kids dearly and still call me and introduce me as my ex's wife. He has a gf but she is not welcome to his mother's or sister's home. Some family members don't care but she doesn't go to any of their family functions. Instead they have been trying to get me and my kids to go. Unfortunately for me, I feel like Liselle. I get physically ill (nausea, lightheaded, pressure in my head, nervous yawning) when around him. And to make it worse he throws in little hints that he misses me and loves me.

Two of my children want to see him, one doesn't and one doesn't care. Also a sick MIL makes it difficult to say no we won't go sooo.....things just suck sometimes.
It is true though, let's be thankful for our blessings and health. I often think things could be alot worse than family feuds. Just found out that in my state 1/3 of the homeless are children and there aren't enough beds in the shelters. My heart goes out to all who are suffering in some way not only for the holiday season, but everyday. I hope things get better for us all. I will keep everyone in my prayers.

sara zata · Guru

Emily, that's what I would do IF I won a lot of money, is build shelters for homeless kids and try to get them on the straight and narrow. My thoughts are with you all. Those words are part of a song, but xmas eve I am going to be...........................awful and see if she still has me on her email list. Why should she get off scott free, she ruin my last anniversary, Í think I might ruin her xmas, if she has a heart. XXXXXX June.

DollyM · Veteran Member

I know, the last couple of years have sucked for us . . . our only child was killed in a car wreck a year ago in May, my husband ended up in the hospital in January with an infection in his foot and has spent the last 11 months either in the hospital or in a nursing home. He is diabetic and they just keep chopping off more of his foot. I found a part time job that was cut to 10 hours in January and then a full time one in May but it was not all that it was cracked up to be. I was the Activity Manager at an Assisted Living facilty and found it was a "dump it all on me" type of job with low pay and no benefits. The same week I started that job, my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer and had 3 surgeries in three weeks time. Because I was the only source of income, I went to work while she went through surgery. It was the pits but I felt I had no other choice. I did find a job in October with benefits, including health insurance so I was very greatful for that. It pays less and every month I sweat making the bills but with a few doll sales and careful budgeting (that means keeping the heat on 55 in my house!) I have made it so far. My mom finishes her chemo next week (Christmas eve) and hope that she truly can beat this cancer. SHe is 82 and has been my rock since my son died. I dont know what 2011 will bring, it is hard to even hope for anything better but I sincerly do hope that things improve and that my health will hold out. I feel like I am standing out in the middle of an Island, all alone.

sara zata · Guru

Tina I truely feel for you, everything you have said, I have been through so know exactly how you feel. Lets hope for everyone that 2011 is a lot brighter and healthier for all of us. That we dont have to loose anyone else close to us. That life takes a turn for the best, and that we don't have all these financial burdens. My power bill for winter was over $800, yet this last one was only $305, I don't understand. But I'm still paying off the winter one hoping I catch up before the next one comes. OH well that's my gripe, they said we where going to have higher electric bills, but that one was way over the top. XXXXXX June.